itsadrizzit

Today for WIP Week I was writing a scene where Christian is thinking about how he’d finally gotten back into a normal rhythm and routine and sleep pattern, adjusting to life without Vincent, when Vincent showed up and stayed with him for a week and threw everything off again. This leads into a flashback (it’s a sort of current event triggering flashback framing story sort of thing) where Christian is remembering how hard everything was for the first months after Vincent left and how he’d been unable to sleep and had needed to drag himself through training, etc.

In the middle of the scene, this song came up on my playlist (it’s my Chris x Vince playlist, so really every song is somehow appropriate for what I’m working on), and I just sort of stopped writing and closed my eyes and let myself try to channel these feelings for a minute.

I don’t think I captured them in the chapter, but they’re in there hanging over it, begging to be let out. This might not be the fic that does it. I may never actually write the fic that does it. I know what happens in Chris’s life when Vincent leaves and I allude to it often and say I’ll write it, but who knows. Every time I start to write the fic outlining it, I can’t write that fic and i end up saying “this needs to go in this direction instead”, so perhaps it will forever live on as a headcanon I can verbally (or via stream-of-consciousness writing) throw at you if you want to hear it, but it may never be a story and that’s okay.

Still…these feelings are there and hopefully once I come back into this and start revising i can coax them out.

For now…I share with you today’s work. It’s in it’s raw form–I’ve not edited, I’ve not revised, I’ve just written. I make no claims on quality or coherency or correct use of the English language (or the Dutch language, tbh), and I’m a bit afraid to share it here because I almost never let anyone in on the process at this early stage of development, but that’s the spirit of WIP Week, I suppose, so here it is, presented for all of you with every single one of its failings and flaws. Hopefully it will be better by the time it sees the real light of day as published work.

Enjoy–we’re deep in Chris’s head and he’s actually having feelings for once and everything is still heartbreaking, welcome to my tragic world.